Lighten up time 2

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SRV
Posts: 1907
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 1:10 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

Talking of the pig ....

Post by SRV » Mon Oct 24, 2005 2:15 pm

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.


(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.


(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.


(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig??)


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...
Keep smiling :lol:

SRV
Posts: 1907
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 1:10 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

A visit to the mental asylum

Post by SRV » Mon Oct 24, 2005 2:18 pm

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?"
"Well..." said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, and offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask them to empty
the bathtub."

1. Would you use the spoon?


2. Would you use the teacup?


3. Would you use the bucket?


"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."


"Noooooo," answered the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug."
Keep smiling :lol:

Snowy
Posts: 28790
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2002 2:33 pm
Location: 3.1415926535

Post by Snowy » Mon Oct 24, 2005 2:49 pm

more true :roll: facts

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

>HERE'S MORE CRAZY !!!!! (REMEMBER, THIS IS ALLLLL TRUE!!!)

^The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites.

^Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on the moon.

^Ten tons of space dust falls on the Earth every day.

^Every year the sun loses 360 million tons.

^If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.

^Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel with over 50,000 words, none of which containing the letter "e."

^There are 333 toilet paper squares on a toilet paper roll.

^Singapore only has one train station.

^The Eiffel Tower has 2,500,000 rivets in it.

^The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps.

^It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

^Every year, the Moon moves a further 3.82cm from the Earth.

^Every minute in the U.S. six people turn 17.

^There are more than 1,00 chemicals in a cup of coffee.

^Blue and white are the most common school colors.

^On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.

^The tip of a 2cm long hour-hand on a wristwatch travels at 0.00000275 mph

^There is about 200 times more gold in the worlds oceans, than has been mined in our entire history.

^Human hair and fingernails continue to grow after death.

^Termites eat wood twice as fast when listening to heavy metal music.

^The cockroach has a high resistance to radiation and is the creature most likely to survive a nuclear war.

^Guinness Book Of Records holds the record for being the book most stolen from Public Libraries.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
-Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
-A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
-People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
-When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ... even your heart!
-Only 7% of the population are lefties.
-40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
-Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
-The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
-The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
-The average housefly lives for one month.
-40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
-A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
-The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
-Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
-Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
-The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
-The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot. ( Don't forget Moms )
-Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
-In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
-Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
-The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
-Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth.They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
-Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh cousins.
-If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green
-Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
-Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
-There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
-The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
-A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
-There are more chickens than people in the world.
-Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.
-The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
-On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over theParliament
building is an American flag.
-All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
-No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange,
silver, or purple.
-"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
-All 50 states are listed across the to! p of the Lincoln Memorial
on the back of the $5 bill.
-Almonds are a member of the peach family.
-Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
-Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
-There are only four words in the English language which end in
"dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
-Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina
de los Angeles de Porciuncula"
-A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
-An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
-Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
-In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
-Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
-The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after
Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful
Life."
-A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
-A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
-It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
-The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.
-In England, the Speaker of the House is not allowed to speak.
-The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar
tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
-The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.
-There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
-"Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the
left hand.

m@t
Posts: 4119
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 7:37 am
Location: Switzerland

Post by m@t » Tue Oct 25, 2005 3:52 am

According to wikipedia, singapore has 67 stations.

m@t
TULY Image The quality of answers is roughly proportional to the quality of the question.

The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

smaheswaran
Posts: 158
Joined: Mon Nov 03, 2003 7:33 am
Location: MilkyWay Galaxy(near Andromeda).

Post by smaheswaran » Tue Oct 25, 2005 9:21 pm

Hi,

I think the info given here is not the stations where the local trains are running.

Here, they have told about the station where trains run inter-city and inter-country, that way if you see there is only one railway station for Singapore.

Thanks and Regards,
Mahesh.
Self certified "tuly idiot" !! Image

Hot Asien Teen
Posts: 1548
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:00 am

Sneeze

Post by Hot Asien Teen » Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:12 am

Yeah, and a freind of mine sneezed with his eyes open once. So its possible. He's crosseyed now, and wet his pants when it happened, but its possible.
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

m@t
Posts: 4119
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 7:37 am
Location: Switzerland

Post by m@t » Wed Oct 26, 2005 6:19 am

Moving on...

The pilot of a plane on its way out of Poland dies unexpectedly in flight. A passenger is asked to fill in. He looks at the controls and shakes his head. "What's wrong?" someone asks. The reply: "I'm just a simple Pole in a complex plane".

There are 10 types of programmers in this world, those that understand binary and those that don't

Q. Why can't programmers tell the difference between Halloween and Christmas ?
A. Because oct 31 = dec 25

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!

Q: What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
A: You can't cross a vector with a scaler

Q. There were two cats on a roof. Which one slid off first?
A. The one with the lower mew.

Where do you extract Mercury from?
Hg Wells

Two bytes are in a bar. One says to the other, "I'm not feeling that well. I think I have a parity error". The other byte responds, "I thought you looked a bit off!"
TULY Image The quality of answers is roughly proportional to the quality of the question.

The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

VLozano
Posts: 5142
Joined: Mon Sep 13, 2004 8:17 am
Location: Idiocity
Contact:

Post by VLozano » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:17 am

Snowy wrote:On average, a 4-year-old child asks 437 questions a day.
Doh! Their parents will become mad soon... what's the name of the child? If someday I'll find him I will try to move awat fast...
Tuly Idiots
Because we know we are part of the problem

SRV
Posts: 1907
Joined: Thu Oct 24, 2002 1:10 pm
Location: Indianapolis, IN, USA

IT PAYS TO BE a Zambian!

Post by SRV » Wed Oct 26, 2005 9:33 am

Sent in by my friend in Zambia:

A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell
for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his
eternity. He goes to Germany hell and asks, "what do they do here?" He is told
"first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay
you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in
and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not like the sound of
that at all so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian
hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell!

Then he comes to the Zambian hell and finds that there is a long line of
people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told
"first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, and then they lay
you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Zambian devil comes in and whips
you for the rest of the day." But that is exactly the same as all the
other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
"Because there is never any electricity due to load shedding, so the electric
chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed
is comfortable to sleep on. And the Zambian devil used to be a civil servant
when he was alive, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home
for private business.

SO YOU SEE, IT PAYS TO BE A Zambian!!
Keep smiling :lol:

Hot Asien Teen
Posts: 1548
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:00 am

Married Life

Post by Hot Asien Teen » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:53 am

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... him in the upper bunk and her in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own f####+g blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

Baz
Posts: 4747
Joined: Fri Nov 08, 2002 5:54 am
Location: He's out there! somewhere!!!!
Contact:

Post by Baz » Wed Nov 02, 2005 5:58 am

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After approx. 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times. At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is just NOT possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.


"Then why do you buy them?" he asks, puzzled.

"We just LOVE the chocolate around them!"
Baz

AsPiRiNg tUlY iDiOt Image

http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html

Image

check out my Podcasts http://dj-baz.podomatic.com

vidareal
Posts: 183
Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:28 am

Post by vidareal » Wed Nov 02, 2005 7:16 am

This joke appeared in a mans magazine about the difference in humour betweem Men and Women. Men find this funny (sort of) but women don't.

***************************************
An old man leads a little girl into the woods.

"this is scary" says the little girl.

"you think this is scary" the old man says.

"I have to walk out alone!"
¡Quiero vivir una vida de verdad, no quiero seguir soñando!

m@t
Posts: 4119
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 7:37 am
Location: Switzerland

Post by m@t » Wed Nov 02, 2005 8:15 am

It depends how you structure it:

An old man leads a little girl into the woods.
"this is scary" says the little girl.
"you think this is scary?" the old man says, "I have to walk out alone!"


or

An old man leads a little girl into the woods.
"this is scary" says the little girl.
"you think this is scary" the old man says.
"I have to walk out alone!" (says the little girl)

m@t
TULY Image The quality of answers is roughly proportional to the quality of the question.

The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.

mike_ac
Posts: 4464
Joined: Wed Dec 22, 2004 10:14 am
Location: Deep Texas

Post by mike_ac » Wed Nov 02, 2005 8:25 am

vidareal wrote:This joke appeared in a mans magazine about the difference in humour betweem Men and Women. Men find this funny (sort of) but women don't.

***************************************
An old man leads a little girl into the woods.

"this is scary" says the little girl.

"you think this is scary" the old man says.

"I have to walk out alone!"

I'm sorry, but do you really find this funny? I had to think a while to even get the gist. I guess I just don't have the serial killer mentality...

Besides, this is a "lighten up" thread -- let's keep it light, please...
"If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?" –Albert Einstein, when confronted by a neat freak about the disarray in his work space

carlitosway
Posts: 566
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 10:35 am
Location: BE

Post by carlitosway » Wed Nov 02, 2005 11:20 am

I heard this one last night...and almost wet my pants (guess the 'Duvel'* has some doing in it), translated as well I can from dutch and omitting visual effects:

Superman wakes up and finds it a swell morning...he feels like taking on the bad guys and ... WHAAM he's up in the air at supersonic speeds he spots Batman and WHOESh turns toward him.
"Hi Batman, how about joining me in taking on the bad guys ?". "Nja Superman, my batmobile is in shambles and I' ve got to much work"- "Ok", and ZAAAM Superman is off again. After a while he spots Spiderman and turns ZWOEF also towards him.

Hi Spiderman, how about joining me in taking on the bad guys ?". "Nja, Superman, my nets are all tangelled up and without them I realy don't feel like it". "Ok", say superman disapointed and WHAM BHAHM he 's up in the air again...

Flying at supersonic speed his supervision spots Catwoman, who's lying on her back, legs wide open, and i a flash he gets superhorny having a super-hardone and to frustrated can hold onto himself. With supersonic speed he dives onto Catwoman and in a WHEEEEZ fraction of a second he gets hes thing done and WHIEW he's off again...

"Gee, what was that ?" asks a surprised Catwoman. "I don't know..." says an agonying Invisible man who was laying on top of her "but my ass never ever felt scorched like this ..."







*: http://www.duvel.be/
Carlitosway

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