Lighten up time 2

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Rising_Moon
Posts: 104
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2005 2:36 am

Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Rising_Moon » Wed Jul 16, 2008 6:00 am

If a man talks dirty to a woman that's sexual harrassment

but if a woman talks dirty to a man that's 10 bucks/min.....

Baz
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Baz » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:27 am

Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the arse cause it 'hurts'.


:shock: :mrgreen:
Baz

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check out my Podcasts http://dj-baz.podomatic.com

bgamble
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by bgamble » Thu Jul 17, 2008 5:48 pm

Baz wrote:Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the arse cause it 'hurts'.


:shock: :mrgreen:

Someone told me that all the girls in the UK did.

Darn, guess I will have to reconsider my next project
In my opinion, Pepper Spray is underutilized as an effective tool for scope control

Dr Sidewalk
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Dr Sidewalk » Fri Jul 18, 2008 7:36 am

Someone told me that all the girls in the UK did.
And also all the guys as well, after our last government budget. :]


Dr Sidewalk
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" - Albert Einstein
"Money isn't everything in life, unless you don't have it"
"Fail to plan, plan to fail"
"Success is a journey, not a destination."

Snowy
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Snowy » Fri Jul 18, 2008 9:20 am

bgamble wrote:Someone told me that all the girls in the UK did.

Darn, guess I will have to reconsider my next project
I heard that girls in Greece would take it from behind to avoid losing their virginity... it might be of interest to you.

NickR
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by NickR » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:20 pm

Damn fine girls those Greeks! I say! Ding Dong!
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Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.

ib
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Location: Oil Patch, Scotland

Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by ib » Wed Jul 23, 2008 6:34 am

The Sensitive Man

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.

There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears
covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.

She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such
a large collection of Teddy Bears,

She is quite impressed by his sensitive side, but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile,
she finds herself thinking, 'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!

Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses himlightly on the lips

He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than shehas ever known.
After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly,
'Well,how was it?'
The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes, and says:








'Help yourself to any prize
from the middle shelf'
Regards.
ib
___________________________________
SAPFans help those who help themselves !

Eggy
Posts: 309
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Eggy » Wed Jul 23, 2008 7:51 am

Bwhahaha :P brilliant

Ozfan
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Ozfan » Wed Jul 23, 2008 12:33 pm

A young couple have been married for just over a month, and the young bride isn't getting any sex.

Every night her husband arrives home from work, then has a quick shower and heads down to the pub. Afterwards, he stumbles home completely intoxicated and unfit for any sexual activity.

On this night, though, the young bride decides to surprise her husband. When he stumbles home from the bar, his wife is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing nothing a pair of sexy lace knickers.

The drunken husband remarks, "Let's go upstairs into the bedroom."

As the young bride runs upstairs, she says under her breath, "Yes! Finally, I'm gonna get some action!"

When she enters the bedroom, she removes her panties and sits on the edge of the bed .

The husband stumbles into the bedroom and says, "Take off your knickers and do a handstand in front of the mirror."

"Kinky," she thinks to herself, "Great!"

She proceeds to do a handstand in front of the mirror. Then, he walks over to her, parts her legs, and places his chin in her crotch...

"The guys at the bar were right," he said, "Perhaps a beard would suit me!"

Ozfan

Whoa_Nellie
Posts: 89
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Whoa_Nellie » Wed Jul 30, 2008 7:44 pm

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the mountains of Alaska for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope-mobile, when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods.

A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Save the Whales' hat, and a 'To Hell with Bush' T-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically, thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched horrified, a group of Republican loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44-magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then, using long clubs, the three loggers finished off the bear and two of them threw it into the bed of their truck, while the third tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat.

As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republican loggers and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.'

As the Pope drove off, one of the loggers asked his buddies, 'Who was that guy?'

'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with heaven and has access to all wisdom.'

'Well,' the logger said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he sure don't know nothin' about bear hunting! Is the bait holding up, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one?'

Willie 3
Posts: 540
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Willie 3 » Fri Aug 01, 2008 2:04 am

Baz wrote:Women eh! Boob jobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, colonic irrigation, botox, pierced ears, nipples, bellys and clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpits shaved, lips tattooed, legs waxed, diets, exercise and they wont take it up the arse cause it 'hurts'.


:shock: :mrgreen:
I heard the new thing is "arse bleaching" so the skin down there gets the same tan as the remainder of the ass. :shock:
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do......

Hot Asien Teen
Posts: 1548
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 9:00 am

Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Hot Asien Teen » Fri Aug 01, 2008 5:35 am

Thats not new, porn stars have been doing it since the 70's
Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking.

Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

Willie 3
Posts: 540
Joined: Wed Apr 25, 2007 12:46 am

Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Willie 3 » Fri Aug 01, 2008 7:29 am

Well, it was new for me but on the other side....I'm not in the porn business.

Willie
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do......

ese_pinche_ABAP
Posts: 297
Joined: Tue Mar 01, 2005 12:57 pm

Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by ese_pinche_ABAP » Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:37 am

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues.

Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Yesterday , I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."

Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

Man: "What sins? "

Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

Man: "I'm Jewish."

Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

Man: "I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody."

Baz
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Re: Lighten up time 2

Post by Baz » Tue Aug 12, 2008 4:31 am

From a local newspaper


It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to shout at them. Some are over-sensitive and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Rod. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Tricia. When I took early retirement last year, it became necessary for Tricia to get a full-time job for the extra income that we need.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I now usually get home from the pub about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she nearly always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't shout at her, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch at the pub so eating out again is out of the question; I'm ready for some home cooked food when I get in.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's usual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of ageing is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to do the shopping during her lunch hour. But we take them for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then won't hurt her. I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She has to take a rest when she has only half finished mowing the lawn and several extra breaks when she's vacuuming through the house. It does annoy me, vacuuming when I'm trying to watch 'Match of the Day', but I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to make herself a nice cup of tea and just sit for a while, and as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Tricia. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your ageing wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Rod died suddenly last week. He was found with a 24-inch Stanley screwdriver rammed up his arse with only 2 inches showing.

His wife Tricia was arrested, but the all-woman jury accepted her defence that he accidentally sat on it.
Baz

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http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html

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check out my Podcasts http://dj-baz.podomatic.com

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